Time
A nonspatial continuum in which events occur in apparently irreversible
succession from the past through the present to the future.

"Now this is not the end.
It is not even the beginning of the end.
But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning."
Winston Churchill

MURPHY'S SECOND COROLLARY
Everything takes longer than you think.

THE AIRPLANE LAW
When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.

BOOB'S LAW
You always find something the last place you look.

WADES EXPLAINATION
Once you've found it, you quit looking!

FIRST LAW OF REVISION
Information necessitating a change of design will be conveyed to the designer after- and only after - the plans are complete. (Often called the "Now they tell us!" Law).

LAW OF APPLIED CONFUSTION
The piece that the plant forgot to ship is the one that supports 75% of the balance of the shipment.

COROLLARY
Not only did the plant forget to ship it, 50% of the time they haven't even made it.

SECOND LAW OF APPLIED CONFUSTION
Truck deliveries that normally take one day will take five when you are waiting for the truck.

JOHNSON'S FIRST LAW
When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the most inconvienient possible time.

STEWART'S LAW OF RETROACTION
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

PATTON'S LAW
A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.

WESTHEIMER'S RULE
To estimate the time it takes to do a task, estimate the time you think it should take, multiply by 2, and change the unit of measure to the next highest unit. Thus we allocate 2 days for a one-hour task.

PARKINSON'S LAW OF DELAY
Delay is the deadliest form of denial.

CHEOP'S LAW
Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.

NINETY-NINETY RULE OF PROJECT SCHEDULES
The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.

THE MURPHY PHILOSOPHY
Smile ... tomorrow will be worse.

THEORY OF SELECTIVE SUPERVISION
The one time in the day that you lean back and relax is the one time the Boss walks through the office.

LAW OF THE SEARCH
The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it.

THE QUEUE PRINCIPLE
The longer you wait in line, the greater likelihood that you are standing in the wrong line.

WITTEN'S LAW
Whenever you cut your fingernails you will find a need for them an hour later.

HECHT'S FOURTH LAW
There's no time like the present for postponing what you don't want to do.

GOURD'S AXIOM
A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.

PORKINGHAM'S SECOND LAW OF SPORTFISHING
The time available to go fishing shrinks as the fishing season draws nearer.

BESS' UNIVERSAL PRINCIPALS
1. The telephone will ring when you are outside the door, fumbling for your keys. 2. You will reach it just in time to hear the click of the caller hanging up.

BANANA PRINCIPLE
If you buy bananas or avocados before they are ripe, there won't be any left by the time they are ripe. If you buy them ripe, they rot before they are eaten.

BALLANCE'S LAW OF RELIABILITY
How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.

FIRST LAW OF CLASS SCHEDULING
Class schedules are designed so that every student will waste the maximum time between classes.

JOHNSON'S SECOND LAW
If in the course of several months, only three worthwhile social events take place, they will all fall on the same evening.

SODD'S SECOND LAW
Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is bound to occur.

DEDERA'S LAW
In a three-story building served by one elevator, nine times out of ten the elevator car will be on a floor you are not.

LUPOSCHAINSKY'S HURRY-UP-AND-WAIT PRINCIPLE
If you're early, it'll be cancelled. If you knock yourself out to be on time, you will have to wait. If you're late, you will be too late.

DEHAY'S AXIOM
Simple jobs always get put off because there will be time to do them later.

BERYL'S LAW
The "Consumer Report" on the item will come out a week after you've made your purchase.

SINETETO'S FIRST LAW OF CONSUMERISM
A 60-day warranty gurantees that the product will self-destruct on the 61st day.

...but the clock is another demon that devours our time in Eden, in our Paradise. --Merchant et. al. "The inaudible and noiseless foot of Time." --W. S.