My Wife is very Fierce
I'm married for 7 years and I have two lovely daughters. My wife is working and we have a maid. I'm now pursuing my Diploma in Computer Studies.
The problem is that I have a wife who is very fierce. Sometimes she would scold me in front of my friends who visit me, and whenever I make some minor mistakes, she would get angry and start to throw all my belongings around. At times, she would also tear off my shirt and also her clothes that I had bought her. She has even thrown away a gold ring which I had bought for her.
Until now, I have a phobia of buying anything for her. She also forbade me and my daughters from seeing my parents. Now I have not spoken to her for almost two weeks. Sometimes, when I come back from work or night class, she would lock herself in the bedroom, and whenever I knock on the door, she would scold me and say that I had disturbed her sleep. I feel so down when my wife does that to me. She has no respect for me at all. Even sometimes she dares to put her leg on my head!!!
Kabilah
Dear Helper says:
Your wife's aggressiveness could be the result of the socialization process by her family. This could be a way of communication she has adopted from her parents. She may find it difficult to express her frustrations without blowing up. There may be also deep hurts that were never dealt with in the seven years of marriage. Due to her anger she is psychologically unable to give in to your sexual advances.
Possible actions to take:
Do not wait till you have problems to communicate. Spend time alone with her on an informal basis, just to talk. Find out needs that she may have and reasons for her frustrations. Affirm her feelings and needs without being defensive. Empathize and be sensitive to her needs. It will take time for her to overcome her hurts. Invite her out on dates. Do things that she enjoys doing. Go on dates, sometimes without the children. Increase pleasant experiences together. Deal with your own anger by talking to someone you trust. Do not always center your conversation on your children, but on each other. Talk to her about your feelings without attacking her. Do it when she is in a good mood. Make sexual advances to her only when she is not tired or upset.
It will be good for both of you to seek a marriage counselor if the problems persist.