I am 30 and married with two children aged 3 and 5. My hubby is 11 years my senior.

I am attracted to this colleague who claims he is married but does his own cooking and ironing. Being attracted to him, I have twice agreed to go shopping with him to help him choose his clothes.

What is wrong with me ? I am married. My hubby loves me, but being married for 10 years, he has begun to take things for granted. Like forgetting my birthday, our anniversary, forgetting to kiss me. In other words, we have reached this plateau of boring routine.

Well, at least I am bored. He just takes me for granted.

But then, this guy at work is not even handsome, not even single ! What am I doing going all "ga-ga" over him ?!?! I am literally having the hots for him ! Can you imagine that ?

I admit I am a born flirt. He admitted he was born cheeky. So we have this "dare" game at the office and we throw each other pot shots. At first it was for fun. Then it got serious.

I am having trouble thinking this straight. I have awoken during the night and found myself thinking of him. When I have problems, he sat with me after work to help me think things out.

I'll say I am smitten. But I cannot let this go on. What about my hubby and my children ? Help me out, will you ?

Exasperated at 30.

It seems to me the both of you are getting into more than what you should be involved in and definitely much more than what you can handle. You already feel the struggle in your heart for him and it wouldn't be long before you rationalise that you actually care and love him much more than you do your husband.

Given the way you feel about your husband, it is not surprising that you should feel so utterly flattered by this male colleague, especially in the way that he is treating you. Obviously he is much more sensitive and caring than your husband and he seems to be able to communicate with you much better as well.

However, the fact of the matter still remains that the both of you are married. Having a "lousy" marriage is not an excuse to start a relationship with him. By getting more and more involved with each other, you have actually already allowed the other person to take on the that responsibility that your spouse ought to be playing. In other words, you have already set the stage for the both of you to be gradually drawn to one another and to be drawn further and further apart from your spouse. This will gradually rationalise itself into believing that the both of you are better matched and that you had made a mistake marrying your husband and he his wife.

Marriage is hard work. It is easy to flirt and enjoy oneself in the whirlwind of romance. But when everthing settles, it is actually maturity, commitment and love that will continue to help the marriage to grow from strength to strength.

While I am sorry to hear that your husband is apparently insensitive and uncaring, it is still your responsibility to help the both of you to work things out. Express your feelings and frustrations towards him and encourage him to see a marriage counsellor. If he is not ready to do so, you may want to see the counsellor first. The counsellor can help you to cope with what you are going through as well as assist you in finding ways and opportunities in dealing with your problem.

Another very important consideration here are your children. They are still very young and they definately need the family structure to suppport them. The security and stability of family life means a lot to young children.

For your children's sake, the sake of your marriage, your husband, for your colleague's sake and his family's as well and finally for the sake of yourself; before you get yourself into a deeper, more painful mess ; END THIS RELATIONSHIP before it gets out of control. You either control and master it now or it will master you and wreak havoc in everyone's lives.