Dear helper,

I have been with this girl for 3 years. I'm 23 and she's 21.

I'm a professional executive and she an admin assistant in a bank.

Recently, she told me she wanted to get wild and get more freedom. She starts going home very late ... Her friends to her are more important than me.... She is willing to do anything for a friend but I even have to beg her to see her.

What should I do? I am very depressed.

Puppy

My guess is that she needs some space for herself (to think things out).

She probably has lots of things on her heart and mind and find that she cannot possibly express them to you because some of these things may concern you. It is a journey that she must make on her own in order for her to discover herself and grow in her personality. You must be prepared for the possibility that at the end of this journey, she may decide to end this relationship with you.

In some way, I think also that she is trying to test the boundaries. Why she is doing all this, I can only make some suggestions here:

1. She probably have many struggles in her life. This could range from needing to think through what she wants, where she is going or whether she is really happy in this relationship or she may just be kidding herself;
   
2. Is there any problem that the both of you are facing that cannot be resolved? Often when these things happen, people tend to feel powerless, exhausted and confused. This results in these persons needing to break out of this "trap" yet not quite sure how to. They may "sabotage" things that may be going on well in their lives in hope that by making such fundamental changes, they can actually find a solution to their crippling problem;
   
3. She is just simply tired of her "boring" self and have decided to be more bold and venturesome.

Whatever the case may be, you need to exercise much patience and love in desling with her. To stop her from doing what she wants to will only make her more determined to continue her course of action, maybe even with much more conviction.

Listen to her when she shares with you her struggles. Be very slow to offer to her any soultion or advise. Help her to process her struggles by simply just being there through understanding, listening and accepting her. This is what she needs to know that you can provide for her at this stage. When she feels that communication is well with you and that you truly care and understand her struggles and feelings, it would be much easier for her to come back into this relationship with much more respect, commitment and love.

Regards,
Danny Ng