Dear helper,

I'm 15 gonna be 16 in a few days and I feel like crap. My life is not working out and every once in awhile it feels like I should kill myself.

And I know I don't want to but i feel so bad it's like the only way to make myself better.

I've been rejected by the girls I've asked out. My parent's blame me for everything that happens, I lost some of my friends, and so much more is goin on and every time my parent's yell at me a little more anger builds up and I'm worried one day I might just kill myself from all the anger inside of me.

I know it sounds weird maybe that I'd kill myself because someone else pissed me off but I don't like hurting other people. So I'm just wondering what should I do when i start feeling bad and is there anything else I can do to improve my life?

No one

It must be certainly quite a lousy feeling to find that things are not really working our very well in your life. Being fifteen years of age, it is quite natural for you to feel this way as you are very much in the stage of transition between your teenage phase and adulthood.

Most developmental research find that this is the age where there are many adjustments in the way you relate to others.

You are also very much in touch with your feelings and constantly want to find out what is in store for you in the future. The very fact that you have expressed yourself so well in your letter suggest that you are already struggling to emerge as an adult. This will take a few more years with you trying to figure out what is in store for you in life.

You will make some mistakes in your journey and experience much pain and confusion but don't give up, such experiences do pay off in the later years in life.

Having "run-ins" with your parents are not going to help the situation at all. You need to fully appreciate and understand why they are behaving this way towards you. Chances are, they are also quite at a loss as to how to deal with you at this stage.

They may also be quite frustrated as you are no longer a "kid" and therefore they cannot discipline you like before and yet, you are also not totally grown up and matured and they love you and fear that you might get yourself into difficulties and trouble. So please try to understand that the phase that you are going through is a struggle for everybody, not just for you!

It may pay to engage in discussions and talks with them when things do not seem so tense.

Friends are also very important at this age. Girls tend to only want go out with persons whom they feel comfortable with. So it may be good to develop friendships first and leave the special dating process to a later stage where both parties feel that they are ready to move ahead in the relationship.

Many people make the mistake that a special relationship is "created" but in truth, most meaningful and lasting relationships are built on and carefully nurtured from a friendship. Take your time as you are still very young and have many oppportunities in your life to date people.

As for your wanting to kill yourself, you well know that it will not solve anything. Struggles and setbacks are part of life. The faster one is able to accept this, the further ahead he/she is able to overcome obstacles and get ahead in what he/she wants in life. Try to see each struggle as an open door to a better future. This will give you the key ingredient to succeeding in your life. If you still feel like taking your life and have very little control over this, I strongly urge you to see a professional counsellor to talk about this.

Regards,
Danny & Julie Ng