Hi there!

Thanks for taking time to answer my message.

I have a boyfriend who is Chinese while I am a Malay. In the beginning, his parents who have never seen me did not know about this. The thing is that they recently found out and extremly mad at him. His mom isn't even speaking to him. He doesn't want to break up but his parents have threated to throw him out! The best part is that we are only 17! It is not like we are getting into anything serious!

What should we do?

Helpless

Cross-cultural relationships often have added difficulties and one of the most frequently occuring one is that of the acceptance of the other party by the person's immediate family.

The both of you should not be overly surprised at this. The fact that the revelation of this relationship is sudden also indicates that such a response is to be expected from a more conservative and traditional families. Ironically, his parents are reacting in this way because they love him.

My advise to the both of you is to take it slowly and try to get his parents to know you better as a person. Oftentimes, when people are given enough time to understand and appreciate each other, our natural bias tend to diminish.

"Back-track" a little and cool down the relationship and remain as good friends. Get to know each others' family and circle of friends and allow for a time of adjustment of these people. As the both of you are still 17 years old, you have plenty of time to get serious so don't rush it. If you really value each other, allow for the relationship to develop naturally and permit all those loved ones around you to accept the idea that you are both serious about each other. When they are more familiar with you, it will allow them to see and appreciate you as a person (who you really are) rather than just the race that you represent.

Regards,
Danny Ng