I am a 17-year-old girl in JC1 and I have been having some problems. There is this guy who has been trying to chase me for quite a while and he wants to know how I feel about him.

If I really disliked him, things would be much easier but the thing is that I do like him quite a bit and I love being with him.

However, I don't want to say that I like him in the same way as he likes me because I myself am not very sure. Sometimes, I feel that I do like him in that sense but sometimes I don't.

Frankly, I am rather confused.

The thing is that he has been waiting for me to give him an answer for a long time and he is really affected by it. I don't know what to do.

Confused

It is important that you do not feel pressured into a relationship when you are not ready. Explain to him your exact sentiments in this e-mail message, "that you enjoy being with him but do not at this stage feel comfortable enough for the both of you to go steady". Tell him that you appreciate him as your friend and that you do not want to lose this friendship over what may be a pre-mature decision to "get serious".

Waiting a long time on his part suggests only that he is ready and willing but we must not forget that such a relationship involves two people.

When you have established this understanding with him, it may also be good to examine honestly whether you have any fears or resistance towards special relationships.

Sometimes, people have much struggle with getting close to another person for certain personal reasons. The fear of the possibility of getting hurt is one such reason for the inability to bond. There are others. If you can identify such fears or struggles, try to talk about it openly with a more matured person and try to get yourself to work on these issues. Whatever the case may be, remember that the above rule still stands: Do not get involved with anybody out of obligation.

I wish you well.

Counsellors
Danny Ng