"Celebrating my 20th year in this Sordid Business 1976-1996"
Notes: Some guy in England tracked down my listing in the Internet Writers' Guide,
and the next thing I know I'm looking up all the damned things, trying to piece together
various and sundry (there has never been a master list -- I'm usually more concerned with
keeping body & soul together to attempt to put together the Smithsonian Retrospective
on the Various Misdeeds of Your Humble Correspondent.) But since he gets it, it doesn't
seem fair not to let you see what strange Englishmen can manage to wheedle out of me.
Doggoned politeness! Not used to it here in the States. What can I say?
Well, one thing. Theodore Sturgeon told me to never write anything that I was ashamed of, and it
wouldn't ever come back to haunt me. "And it WILL," he said. "I promise you that." If I did that,
he said, wise sage that he was, I would
not be afraid to own up to anything I'd ever written. And I'm not.
[Sadly, Ted is remembered, generally, ONLY as the "guy who wrote
that episode of the original STAR TREK where Spock goes into heat!"
Hopefully Paul Williams' Complete Sturgeon, from Atlantic Press will
do SOMETHING to remedy a gross injustice to one of the finest writers
of our time. Roll over Barth, Barthelme. And go suck on a Post-Modernist
cabbage, Deconstructionists! You (sort of) know who you are.
I know you'd be mad if you could ever find
enough certitude to take a position, but, since there ain't no hope of
that: EAT ME! (hahahahhohhohohohehehehe!) - hw]
by Hart Williams (c) 1996
Hart Williams: WASHINGTON POST, KANSAS CITY STAR, etc. etc.
*** withheld for legal reasons: ADAM, CHOICE, HUSTLER, LA Herald-Examiner, LA Times
*** withheld for legal reasons: NEW WEST, LOS ANGELES MAGAZINE, A&M Records, etc.
Preston Johns: ADAM, HORSE LAUGH, PLAYERS
as Kimberly Carson (itself a pseudonym) REAL LETTERS
as Mistress Tantala (ditto) REAL LETTERS
as Kristara Barrington (ditto) REAL LETTERS
as Lisa De Leeuw (ditto) REAL LETTERS
as Raven Touchstone (misattribution of rewriter for writer) "HOT MERCHANDISE", AVC, 1986
as Lee Quarnstrom (real writer, used his name, told me it was a "favor"), HUSTLER
Name Withheld ( I wrote under this one a LOT!) ADAM, HUSTLER, VELVET, OUI, REAL LETTERS, etc.
Anonymous (ditto) DITTO
Cynthia Piedmont (first byline), ADAM
Bronson Keyes, HORSE LAUGH, WEST CAFFEINE STREET
Sean Thornton (art director, cf. "The Quiet Man" John Ford d.), HOT TIMES
Wallace Wooley (cf. "I Married a Witch" st. Veronica Lake), HOT TIMES
Richard and Ilsa Blaine (cf. "Casablanca" and extrapolate), HOT TIMES
Arch Stanton (cf. "The Good, The Bad and the Ugly"), HOT TIMES
Christopher Coldwater (collaboration with Wm. Margold), "DIAL F FOR FANTASY" JVP, 1984
Sandra Botticcelli (sic), WEST CAFFEINE STREET
Cindy and Tommy, ADAM, OUI
Randy Ooney (column parodied "60 Minutes", CBS, several), VIDEO X, ADULT CINEMA REVIEW
Harold Stophanes (humor; hint: say "Harry Stophanes" fast), ADAM, PLAYERS
Dr. Harold Stophanes, Phd. (sex column), ADAM
*** withheld for legal reasons: (house name; cf. "Kenneth Robeson") 2 NOVELS, **** Books
Clark Savage, III (cf. "Kenneth Robeson"s books), HOT TIMES
George Kaplan (cf. "North By Northwest", screenwriter: Ernest Lehman), HOT TIMES
Anthony Stark (cf. "Iron Man" Marvel Comics), HOT TIMES
Hart Weise (collaboration with Mark Weiss, last name is pub's typo), ADAM FILM WORLD
Helen Bed (inherited, and, I thought, a BAD idea), VIDEO X, ADULT CINEMA REVIEW
Sue Do Nim (honest!), WEST CAFFEINE STREET
Lenny Wilde (ghostwriting under another writer's pseudonym), VIDEO X, ADULT CINEMA REVIEW
Snookums, HORSE LAUGH, WEST CAFFEINE STREET
Dementia Praecox, ADAM FILM WORLD, HOT TIMES
Anne Igma, HORSE LAUGH, WEST CAFFEINE STREET
(well, hell, it's my REAL damned name! These others ... well, OK ....)
(Series of initials in Harold Stophanes' column: (ADAM)
Mr. H. (spell them out. Sanskrit)
Vox Populi, HORSE LAUGH, WEST CAFFEINE STREET
N. Onymous (Again, no kidding!), HORSE LAUGH, WEST CAFFEINE STREET
Buxton Feeley, HORSE LAUGH, WEST CAFFEINE STREET
Wayne Johnson, HORSE LAUGH, WEST CAFFEINE STREET
Leila Preston: HUSTLER
Pox Americana, HORSE LAUGH, WEST CAFFEINE STREET
Mary Celeste, HORSE LAUGH, WEST CAFFEINE STREET, EAS NEWSLETTER
Shared credit: screenwriter on "ANGELS OF MERCY" (name escapes me), HOLLYWOOD VIDEO, 1985
More as they come to mind...
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