Peet'chers
of Meeeester Weeeeeelyams
(insert something witty and topical
here, would you, Miss
Finch? Since no one knows that every last word I write is
actually subcontracted out, I think that you should probably
use the "laconic cowboy" writer, and not the
"effete, impudent
snob" writer. If L.C. is out of town for the holidays, then
use
the "impassioned idealist" guy -- what the heck's his
name anyway? And when you
finish doing that, Miss Finch, we need to get these Christmas
cards out. Use the
standard "love, the Williams" phony signature stamp,
and not the "Mr. and Mrs." one.
I will have my cell phone, but it'll probably be on the golf
cart, so if it's an emergency,
let it ring a LONG time.
Oh, and Miss Finch? Try not to have any
emergencies, OK? Good girl. Oh, we're out
of Guyanan coffee as well.) 
Mr. Williams captured in a frolicsome moment.
Mr. Williams captured in a not-so-frolicsome moment.
(Illustration Credit: William Rotsler)